lowness

I feel so small
Underneath it all
Underneath my smile
And bright eyes
I disguise a need
I need you.

I am so tired
I can't make anyone happy
Anymore.
Not even myself
And I am alone,
So far from Home.
I need you.

I crumble down
I hit the ground
I just lie there
Unable to get up.
I can't get out of all this mess
And my distress
I can't admit I'm unhappy
I need you.

What do I do?
I'm torn in two
And trapped in a life I do not want
But I can't undo.
I have no power
And I'm a coward.
I need you.

Where is the sign that I need?
I look in your eyes but I cannot read.
Where are the words that I crave?
Where is the answer to the question I gave?

What are you hiding from me?
Are you afraid to love completely?
Am I too damaged for you to come near?
Tell me all the things that you fear.

You are kind but then, you pull away
I can never tell if your love will stay.
Is this the way love always goes?
Am I strong enough to stand the blows?

I wish you would stop & help me in this
I am alone in the pain & the bliss.
I wish you would open your soul
Waiting for you has taken it's toll.

Wanting you has weakened my mind,
Longing has slowed me, I fall behind.
Why do you make me impatient for you?
I need you to tell me what to do.

I need you to hold me for as long as you want
I feel that your touch has the power to haunt
I should be bolting away at the thought
But you render me powerless, so I cannot.

You are still a deep mystery to me
There are so many things I wish I could see
And so much of your mind I'm longing to know
Do you love me, or wish I would go?

blah.....zzzzzzzzzzz

There's something about the rain when it falls,
It seems to give my heart permission to cry.
I miss you today, but I'll blame it on the weather or on the fact that I'm so tired.
I can't cope at all.
I can't remember being this tired --ever. My head is gonna burst. I have found the true meaning of the word "head-ache".